Apocalypso
Maniacal Musings For a Society Gone Over the Edge

Uncle Sam Wants You…To Be a Good Consumer

Can someone please tell me when we made the leap from citizens to consumers? I was watching a press conference a few months ago when the Bush Administration were discussing their upcoming economic stimulus program, and one of those governmental goons instructed the American public to be “good consumers” with their stimulus checks. Like we’re their little puppy dogs: “Ya want a tasty treat boy? There ya go Rex, now run along and be a good consumer!” Rokay Raggy! It reminded me of that sickening moment a couple of weeks after 9-11 when Bush announced to the nation that Americans needed to go out and start buying things again. Remember that? He may as well have told us to stop cowering under the blankets, cowboy up and go buy a new Land Rover. When I heard him puke that one out, I was thinking to myself, Okay, we just witnessed Die Hard 4-for real… and this asshole wants me to go out and buy some shit to make it all better. Well, guess what, shit head, the only thing I want to buy right now is a fucking fall-out shelter! You’ve got an ass-load of money, why don’t YOU go buy some shit?!? And while you’re at it, go buy us some shit too, you prick!

Just go buy some shit, it’ll make all the demons disappear. Works better than an exorcism.

So anyway, the‘gubmint’ gave us stimulus checks in the hopes that all of us worker drones would rush out and be good consumers. You know, just go on a crazed shopping spree, and help boost the economy… as the price of oil sails over head and a gallon of milk costs more than a lap-dance. Personally, I think that the upper one percent of extremely wealthy bastards, whom Bush services like a porn-film fluffer, should be the ones who get shamed into spending their money. Why hasn’t he been encouraging them to go out and buy some stools made from stuffed whale penises to put in their newly refurbished bars on their brand new yachts? Surely that would help the economy a little more than me going to Wal-Mart and buying some new crockery!?!

So when did the American public make the Orwellian transition from good citizens to good consumers? I think it all started with the Reagan Administration. As much as people still ridicule Jimmy Carter’s presidency, at least there was an underlying sense of attending to the common good. When Reagan came along all that flew out the window. That was pansy-pinko-commie bullshit. The common good became the good of the corporation, as people were encouraged to become money-grubbing, coke-snorting Yuppie twats, out for number one and fuck everybody else. Think about it this way, a good citizen would help an old lady cross the street… a good consumer would ask her for 10 bucks first: “Gotta help the economy Grandma, so cough up those green-backs or find your own way across.”

Remember the old Batman TV show with Adam West and Burt Ward? They were always encouraging people to be good citizens. Imagine if they had encouraged people to be good consumers instead? So long kitschy fun, hello William F. Buckley Jr.! That thought makes my skin crawl, and so does all this yammering on about being good consumers. Never mind being a good consumer, let’s get back to being good citizens, and we can start by impeaching that war-mongering, oil-sucking dipshit at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, before he gets away scot-free! You don’t want to let Batman and Robin down, do you?

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One Response to “Uncle Sam Wants You…To Be a Good Consumer”

  1. This reminds me of the post 9/11 Presidential imperative to ‘go shopping’.

    Not exactly Abe Lincoln.

    Good post.


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