Maniacal Musings For a Society Gone Over the Edge

Mass Murderer Etiquette 101

America is so fucked-up that we even have lazy mass-murderers. Think about it, every time somebody goes ape-shit and kills their co-workers or their class mates, they always use a gun. Usually SEVERAL. Like one gun isn’t easy enough, no, they need a glock, a .45, an uzi and a shotgun. And maybe a few grenades and a rocket launcher- just in case one of their potential victims slips out the back door and starts driving away in a mini-van. How very goddamned un-sportsmanlike of these demented dickheads! You never hear about some guy going ’round the twist and killing the customers at an Arby’s with a crossbow, do you? But you can bet your ass that’s what Ted Nugent would do if he ever went mental! Actually, now that I think about it, Ted Nugent would probably use a compound bow and his victims would probably be the diners at a vegan restaurant, but you get my drift, right?


Anyhoo, nearly every time we hear about multiple-fatality school shootings the little assholes are using their father’s guns! When I’m a dad things are gonna be a whole lot different:


“No son ! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times! No guns! You’re gonna learn how to throw an axe! If you’re gonna grow up to become a mass-murderer, you’re at least gonna be a sportsman-like mass-murderer, goddamn it!”

You know what I mean, psychos? At least have the common decency to give people a head’s up before you dismember them!


“Hmm, man with axe walking into Burger King…maybe he’s a lumber jack? No, he’s not wearing a plaid shirt… and look at the crazy look in his eyes!?! He’s one of those sportsman-like mass murderers– RUN!!!”

And if some dipshit stands there staring at the guy wondering what his fellow customer is doing with an axe, well, that’s just Darwin taking out the trash! At least nobody can say he went berserk without warning.


But that’s not the only up-shot to having axe wielding mass murderers; how many class mates or co-workers could one axe-murderer get through before he was over-powered and apprehended? He’d only just be starting to chop up the second linebacker when the rest of the class could bash him with their chairs and cell phones! And then perhaps crush him to death with the chalk board.


One last thing… nearly all of these demented fruit cakes kill themselves after they’ve mindlessly annihilated 26 innocent people. Doesn’t that make you wonder how someone can be suicidal and homicidal?!? Pick a fuckin’ team , you wishy washy twits! I think it’s about time that someone told these fuck-holes to just blow their own idiotic brains out, and leave the rest of us out of their suicidal psychoses.


One Response to “Mass Murderer Etiquette 101”

  1. I’ve frequently said that I would only be impressed by a killing spree undertaken by an unarmed assailant and a vast number of heavily armed victims.

    I’d take that seriously. Of course, I’m also a loon.

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