Apocalypso
Maniacal Musings For a Society Gone Over the Edge

More Fucking = Less Violence

Have you ever noticed how the main features on Yahoo news are always the human interest stories, entertainment news, and news of the weird everywhere else? Then again, what more should I expect from Yahoo news? Perhaps some stories about barn-raisings in Alabama and Merle and Mavis’s 2-headed young ‘un would be more fitting, eh? Anyway, today their lead story is about baby names, wherein they “compare the top 10 American boys and girls names in 1950 to the most popular last year.” Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I don’t give a fuckin’ shit ! What is this, the news or Parenting magazine?

 

The next BIG STORY of the day focuses on Hulk Hogan and his family troubles. Here we go again…Guess what? I don’t give a flying monkey shit about Hulk Hogan or his fuckin’ family ! They can all clothes-line each other to death for all I care. Actually, that would be a headline I’d like to see: HOGAN FAMILY KILLS HOGAN FAMILY.

 

Next up on the Yahoo News agenda is a story about living longer by eating less. Their article informs us that “scientists aren’t sure exactly why calorie restriction slows aging, but they’re on the verge of a firm understanding.” What the hell? How can you be on the verge of a firm understanding? You either understand something or you don’t, “I almost understand” doesn’t quite cut it. Ask your teacher-they’ll tell you that you almost passed the test.

 

Now, underneath all of this retarded bullshit, Yahoo is kind enough to provide us with what some might call the real news. But it’s offered to us as a kind of after-thought, you know? As in, “Oh yeah, and just in case you’re interested, we’re on the verge of an apocalyptic show-down with Iran!”

 

You know what else sucks? Local news. It’s the same shit throughout America: murders, rapes, kidnappings and robberies. That’s what makes America the best country in the world, right? Violence! Lots of it! Violence is the American way. And we don’t get enough of it from our local news-casts, we need show after show after show that provide us with graphic depictions of such heart warming spectacles as a bullet entering someone’s brain via their eyeball! That’s entertainment! That’s what’s wrong with this country. Every goddamn night there’s a virtual murder buffet available on each and every network channel. But we aren’t allowed to see nudity or hear any naughty words on Network television, that’s just plain indecent! I was watching the movie Big the other night on the non-network PBS, and there’s one point in the movie where Tom Hanks’ character disses his little buddy, and the little buddy gets mad and calls him an asshole. But that’s not what we heard. We heard brief silence, followed by the word “hole”. I found it amazing that they bleeped out the ass part, but left the HOLE! That’s more insulting than being called an asshole isn’t it?!?

 

“You’re a HOLE!”

 

It’s like you’re not even good enough to be an asshole- you’re just a hole. Maybe if we saw a few holes on tv people could get over the supposed indecency of them. Does that make me a pre-vert? Well, something tells me I’m not alone, considering the fact that porn films consistently rake in more money on a yearly basis than Disney does.

 

But let’s get back to violence, shall we kids? Whenever anyone gets offended about something on TV, they always talk about there being too much sex and violence. They always put sex first, which is the first thing that pisses me off, because there isn’t any sex on television. At least not in this up-tight country! The second thing is the fact that maybe if sex in general were to be embraced as a normal, healthy, FUN part of life then there wouldn’t be so much violence! And there might not be so much of a need to see it all the time either. Because it’s a scientifically proven fact that when people are sexually satisfied they’re less aggressive. So, in essence, sex cures violence. There’s the simple solution friends and neighbors: More fucking=Less violence.

That’s the bumper sticker I want to see everyone driving around with.

So what are you waiting for? Hop to it! Make your country a safer place and go fuck ’til you drop!

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One Response to “More Fucking = Less Violence”

  1. I agreed with you


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