Maniacal Musings For a Society Gone Over the Edge

The Demons of D.C. Part 1

Is it just me, or do most Republican bureaucrats remind you of actors from old monster movies? In fact, many of their names even sound like old monster movie actors; Trent Lott, Orrin Hatch, Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld…think about it folks, would any of these guys look out of place in an old Universal horror movie? Creeping around in the fog with Rondo Hatton seeking out stray liberals to strangle and devour? Personally Speaking, I think the last 7 years should have been narrated by Boris Karloff. Maybe that would have driven the point home:

“Hey, we’re being ruled by ghouls! What the fuck’s going on here?!?”

And the Republican nominee for President in 2009 fits the bill perfectly. Why, I bet if you shaved his head McCain would instantly transform into Tor Johnson! His eyes would roll up into the back of his head and he’d rush off to the nearest graveyard for a little midnight meeting with Vampira and Bela Lugosi.

Face it folks, the Republican Party fell off Walton Mountain a long fucking time ago! In fact, they probably ate the goddamn Walton’s! And as much as they love talking about Jesus to placate their Born-Again Christian constituency, is it really unrealistic to assume that these fiends go scurrying for cover at the first hint of daybreak?

“Here comes the light of the Lord! Must find subterranean shelter quickly…”

But let’s turn our attention to the scary monsters and super creeps who’ve been dominating our country for the last 7 years, shall we? The Bush Administration. True, most of them are some scary-looking bastards, but Condoleezza Rice even scares me and she’s the most normal looking one of them. Remember her appearance before the 9-11 Commission? She got so pissed off that I was fully expecting to see a swarm of bats come spraying out of that space between her teeth, weren’t you?

But Condoleeza is a veritable fairy princess in comparison to former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Rummy would have sucked those bats out of the air and then pulled Condi’s little fairy wings off of her back like some sadistic 8 year-old torturing a fly. Speaking of torture, does anyone really believe that Rumsfeld was unaware of the sinister goings-on at Abu Ghraib prison? With a face like his? Come on folks, isn’t it obvious? Donald Rumsfeld clearly isn’t human…he’s a possessed ventriloquist’s dummy! He’s Satan’s hand puppet-Howdy Demon! Think of it this way, if they ever need a replacement for Chucky from Child’s Play, Rummy’s their dummy. Imagine that shit:

“Miramax Pictures proudly presents, Bride of Rummy.”

The film would begin with a little 2 foot tall Donald Rumsfeld chasing a couple of hysterical teenage girls through a cornfield under light of a full moon. His little ventriloquist dummy mouth dripping with a rabid froth as his little dead, squinting fish eyes locked onto their target. And the next scene would feature Rummy and Countess Bathory sharing a bathtub filled with blood in the honeymoon suite of the Horror Hotel. While Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Dick Cheney line danced to Cotton Eyed Joe behind them.

And speaking of Dick Cheney, we’ll get around to that bag of shit tomorrow kids! Toodles!



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